No, not the fish. I was nearly suckered into becoming interested in the Collegiate Association for the Research of Principles. I played right into their hands, sitting alone, on the computer, in the cafeteria since all of the libary wall outlets were not functioning, and hearing my answers being guided towards commitment to service, joining a sort of family, and wonderful things.
That I was so receptive to these entreaties is certainly indicative of my state of mind. I don't see my friends often enough. It's this fear I have of sounding needy or being a tag-a-long that sort of stops me from calling them up just to hang out or something. That, and they're 30 minutes away.
I'm rather melancholy now. This will be the first Thanksgiving where my parents won't be together, and the first time I've been forced to choose between them. I think I'd have more fun on a day out with my friends than joining the split family that I'm in. I perceive disappointment and pity from my extended family whenever I'm around them. I don't know why, but I feel...shame.
My mom is sensing that all is not quite right with me, and I tell her I need to get out more, and that I worry my friends will forget about me. I know they don't, really; they just need to know I'm more available than they think. Because I am needy, I do need to be around people that feel their lives are improved by my presence.
Well, I'm gonna go play hide-and-seek tonight.
About Me
- Jeremy Koo
- A Cal expatriate, a Cal Berkeley Democrat, a Laney College attendee. Whatever you want, that's Jeremy Koo.
3 comments:
Yeah. Rule number 1 of college life: No matter how lonely you are, don't join cultish quasi-religious organizations, ESPECIALLY if they describe themselves as like a family.
((hugs))
Having divorced parents myself, I have an idea of what your feeling. Is there a way to spend a little bit of time with each parent before heading out with your friends? Your parents might be feeling just as lost as you are right now being that this all new emotional terratory.
Hugs to you,kiddo. It's hard having divorced folks.
Holidays are especially hard for the newly out. It'll take time for your family to adjust, but they will adjust. They should be happy to have an uncle/cousin/nephew as cool as you.
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